how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
