I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
