I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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