your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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