If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
zippers are such a cool invention
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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