i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
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What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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