I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
