Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
