Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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