I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
