I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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