Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
