haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
