that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
