After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
