so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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