Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
