So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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