I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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