Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
