today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
