She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
