White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
