Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
