How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
