what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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