what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
