Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i think im in europe. pls send help
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
