allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
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He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
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hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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