Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
