He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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