haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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