im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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