i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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