I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
