Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
