my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
