Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
