I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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