Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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