My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
