Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
