I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize