I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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