I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
