I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
