He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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