You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
