Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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