I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
