the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
