im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
