I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
