I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
