booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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