my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
