Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
