So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
where are you?
Hypothermia
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
