I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
