She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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