Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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