I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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