It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
