We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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