Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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