Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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