I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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