Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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