i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
this just has baby written all over it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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