i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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