We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it's like iHOP with fire
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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