i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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