I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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