Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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