I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
