Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
