Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
