I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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