Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
