I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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