Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
