I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
