Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You're like the curious george of whores
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
