I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
