You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
