bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
His hands were made for my vagina.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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