i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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