The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
