When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
