and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
