I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize