it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
