I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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